The "Butter"fly Effect

Disclaimer: I hope you think this story is funny, but there is a strong possibility that it might suffer from the dreaded "you had to be there" syndrome. I apologize if this is the case. Onward!

So about a month ago I was in Miami for work, and was eating dinner with a coworker. Like most major metropolitan areas, there is a fairly substantial homeless population (Just FYI -- should I ever become homeless, I'm moving to Miami where the temperate year-round climate and flamboyant neon signage is enough to make anyone squeal with delight!). Most of the restaurants in the MIA are outdoor cafes per the aforementioned temperatures. Hordes of tourists and locals roam the streets, mingling with these restaurateurs. Therefore, you often get what I like to call Hoverers. Basically, someone decides they are going to hang out over your table just a little bit longer than is considered socially comfortable. Maybe they don't mean to -- maybe they're just waiting for a fellow patron, or need a minute to catch their breath. I'm not one to judge.

So, it didn't surprise my co-worker and I when a homeless man hovered at the acceptable 5-to-10-foot distance (see section 2.3.5 in the "Hovering for Dummies" handbook -- available at a respectable book dealer near you) for about 10 seconds. It did surprise us, however, when he advanced into the more intimate 2-3-foot range. It struck me at this point that this was no ordinary Hoverer. He was not simply passively hovering; rather, he was hovering with intent. The object of his desire immediately became apparent.

With a few strong-willed glances and a confident point at our bread basket, he made his intentions known: he wanted bread. We offered the basket to him, told him to take whatever he wanted. He smiled, swiftly reached toward the basket -- over the entire basket of bread -- scooped up a single butter package from the table, and disappeared into the crowd. This absolutely killed me for some reason, and I started laughing uncontrollably.

Moral of the story? Man does not live on bread alone. He needs butter, too.

Or something like that. For further reading see Matthew 4:4.

Love you.

Steve